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I have given up because all our sex life amounts to for me is work. i don't mind pleasing him in various ways but at this point by the time i get any physical response at all i'm tired. he is very willing to please me orally to make up for it, but it still doesn't make our sex life complete. he hates doctors and even though we recently got health insurance he hasn't even gone for his initial visit.

I need medical advice on how to let him know that this is a problem that has to be resolved. this is the man i want to marry. all aspects of our relationship except this one are great. i can honestly say we would have a full and healthy relationship if we could conquer this problem. where do i begin to find causes? how far should i go to involve myself and/or persuade him? can my relationship last without a satisfactory sex life? Should he use Viagra, vacuum pump, penile implant or other treatment?

Reply by: Dr. Warner
It sounds like he has performance anxiety causing his erectile dysfunction problem.
It can happen whereby you do get penile erection, and as you're about to have sex, you lose your erection, or it can be when you're actually in the course of having sexual intercourse as in his case. Usually what happens is that he is focusing more or less on the final goal, which is orgasm or pleasing you with an orgasm, and not really focusing on all the rest of what goes on in the sexual encounter, he should focus more on the relationship and the sensory experiences that your having as opposed to the final goal -- more focusing on the process rather than the product.

Maybe he should have his testosterone hormonal levels checked out. Sometimes this causes libido or low sexual desire problems.

Where To Begin:
If you want to conquer this problem, find a sexual therapist near you in North America for both of you for professional support and help. A therapist, counselor or educator can guide you along the right path for beneficial results in saving your sexual relationship.

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Posted by: john
I used to have the same problem i coulden't get an erection no matter how hard i tried. what happend with me is after this happend once i was so worried it would happen again i became very stressed and the problem just got worse. how i overcome this is i tried to put my current disorder out of my mind and just think about my wife at that time. and it worked great i have gained my confidence back and i havent lost an erection yet.

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