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My husband and I have been together for almost five years. We were abstinate until marriage, and I worry that this may have put too much pressure on us early in the marriage.
Once we were married and it was "okay" to have sex, my husband and I didn't know what to do. We didn't even consummate the marriage until two weeks after our wedding. Since then things haven't gotten much better. We have been married nearly five years, and he has never had an orgasm with me when making love . . . ever.
He tells me that he can have an orgasm "sometimes" when he masturbates alone. I have brought up the idea of him trying to masturbate with me in the room, or even with me helping him, but he always puts me off. I offer him oral all the time which he consistantly turns down. I am dying to do this for him, but he always rejects me. I don't know if he finds the idea distasteful or what is wrong.
I am so attracted to him, but I feel like I have to beg him to have sex with me. I have no concerns that he is being unfaithful, but I dont think he understands how much it hurts me that he has shut me out of this vital part of our marriage.
Over the past five years we have managed to have sex ~ once a month, and every time its just because it's in his words "the right thing to do" like an unpleasant obligation akin to doing the taxes, or polishing the silver.
I have accepted that we might never have children because he can't have an orgasm. I have urged him to seek treatment and even brought him to a marriage therapist, but he downplayed the problem, and we weren't really able to get any help from the therapist.
I am at my witts end. I don't want to leave him, but I don't want to go the rest of my life without knowing what it is like to be really desired and pursued. I wan't to know what it's like to really be with my husband. I want us to eventualy be able to have children together - without having to involve test tubes or turkey basters. If anyone has any suggestions that could help I would really appreciate it.
He seems like he may be a very shy and sensitive person in bed. Maybe he is sensitive to his penis size or he is afraid how well he will be able to sexually perform when making love. The inability to reach orgasms It could be any number of things. It's best you find out by asking sensitive questions for a better and more meaningful relationship. You have to put it in a way that will not offend his sensitivity. Maybe he is masturbating too much.
Try experimenting with new sensations. Foreplay stimulation for love making is a important aspect to consider for preparation to reach that pinnacle for him to achieve climatic orgasms. Foreplay lowers inhibitions and increases the emotional comfort. This can be done at first in a subtle way through out the day and getting more intense in bed.
It's best for you to get a love making specialist (not a marriage specialist). Find a sexual therapist near you for professional help. They have many more things to help you and that would be beneficial for making love.
Posted by: desperate wife -
Lack of sex in marriage, libido, & stress problems
My husband and I have had not the greatest sex life our whole 13 years. He does not want or desire sexual intercourse but maybe every couple of months. But it has now been 7 months and he still does not desire for sex. He has never masterbated and he is not going after anyone else...
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