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Posted by littlegreycat:We are very good friends, have lots of laughs together, although with a history like ours it's hard sometimes... Until now we've muddled along, but now I'm 36 and getting a bit desperate for a baby. also with a history like mine I think we should get a move on. We both talk about our future with kids in the picture, he does as much as I do, if not more. But sex has become a bit of a taboo... a couple of times he has rejected me, so I find it hard to initiate anything. He has refused to get any counselling for our bereavment, he doesn't like talking to strangers about his probs, which is fair enough, and anyway he says he can talk to me if he needs to. The thing is he never thinks he needs to!
His way of coping is just purely by not thinking about it, so it's always me who begins the topic, and then I feel as if I'm hassling him. Sorry to go on and on, but I really would be grateful if there was anyone out there who could give me some advice. Incidentally, he says it's not just that he doesn't fancy me, he doesn't fancy anyone (!) so I suspected he could do with some libido lifting supplements (zinc etc) I bought him some, but he won't take them. Also he won't go to his doctor about it either. I love him deeply, and can totally understand his reluctance and no desire and confidense for sex as if it always ends in some kind of death, but how can I help him sort it out?
You and your husband DO need to seek counseling - To help both of you in your verbal communications, to learn how to deal with your past difficult pregnancies, and to basically improve your relationship. Being your husband has said "NO" to your previous commendable attempts to seek counseling, may I suggest that after you see your medical doctor, that you mention to him/her your desire to seek counseling, and your husband's reluctance to do so. Perhaps your doctor can sit down with both of you to discuss any future pregnancies, and at the same time to encourage both of you to seek counseling. It would even be best that an appointment be made by your doctor for a counselor while you both are still in the doctor's office.
Continue to your husband's testosterone level - richT...
It would still be classed as an 'at risk' pregnancy though, but I would be cared for 100% with scans as often as I wanted them and counselling during the pg if I wanted it. My other m/cs were put down as just 'one of those things' because they were so early and until I have a 3rd m/c they don't really follow it up. I don't think they were caused by the blood thing. I have been to 4 different counsellors since the s/b. the 1st immediatly afterwards, the next 2 at Mind (a UK mental health charity) which were not so good: the 1st left to move house and the2nd was a lovely lady but a bit strident and I couldn't really relate to her. I never told any of them about our sexual problem, though. Too ashamed i guess. Now I'm seeing another woman (who I have told) who has offered to see my husband with me this week, but he has said he will not come. (He does not know I have told her) He has been put off counselling by his experiences after the death of his mother. (they had a pull yourself together attitude, combined with religiousness. We're not religous, so that didn't help) Even though I keep telling him that all people, and therefore, counsellors are different, he is not interested.
Continue to Re: Re: My husband has gone off sex - little grey cat...
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I am so very glad that with proper care and attention you have an excellent chance of having that child you want to very much.
Somehow there must be a way you can convince your husband to seek professional help. If not for himself, he should do it for you and your relationship. Is there anyone that he respects and would listen to. Someone that you can talk to to have that person talk with your husband about the need to seek advice and counseling. Somehow he needs to understand that by his "inaction", he DOES run the risk of not only losing you, but adversely affecting the rest of his life. Have you looked at any books that may help. What about his parents, would they be able to convience him of the need to seek professional help?
Contiue Re: Re: Re: My husband has gone off sex - RichT...
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Those web sites from such medical institutions as the Mayo Clinic, universities and bonafide medical doctors will also give you a good understanding of testosterone level changes in men. Just be careful and watch out for the "quacks" which are usually promoting a product, etc.
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