My Husband Has Gone Off Sex, Need Relationship Counsellor? Marriage Performance video

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Posted by little grey cat:
In Reply to: Re: My husband has gone off sex posted by RichT:

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Firstly thank you so much for your kind response. It really is helpful to know that someone can give me some advice like yours. Luckily I happened to give birth to our s/b baby at the hospital where my problem was first 'discovered' by the medical world, so the team there is at the forefront of medical knowledge about the problem. I have what is commonly known as 'sticky blood' (Leiden V), which means future pregs can be treated,with an 80% chance of success, with aspirin/heparin.

It would still be classed as an 'at risk' pregnancy though, but I would be cared for 100% with scans as often as I wanted them and counselling during the pg if I wanted it. My other m/cs were put down as just 'one of those things' because they were so early and until I have a 3rd m/c they don't really follow it up. I don't think they were caused by the blood thing. I have been to 4 different counsellors since the s/b. the 1st immediatly afterwards, the next 2 at Mind (a UK mental health charity) which were not so good: the 1st left to move house and the2nd was a lovely lady but a bit strident and I couldn't really relate to her. I never told any of them about our sexual problem, though. Too ashamed i guess. Now I'm seeing another woman (who I have told) who has offered to see my husband with me this week, but he has said he will not come. (He does not know I have told her) He has been put off counselling by his experiences after the death of his mother. (they had a pull yourself together attitude, combined with religiousness. We're not religous, so that didn't help) Even though I keep telling him that all people, and therefore, counsellors are different, he is not interested.

My doc. (GP) is pretty usesless: they offer a counselling service 1 day per month which has a waiting list of 6 months. Also I can't talk to him (he's famous for once recently asking me if I had any children!) My husband's doc is probably better, but it's a question of trying to persuade him.

Don't get me wrong, he has been incredibly supportive of me since our s/b, - I don't think I would have survived without his help - but I think that may be part of the problem: he has concentrated so hard on being strong for me that he has suppressed his own feelings about it and now has got so used to not thinking about it that he doesn't want to bring it all up again and hurt himself once more. I think it's now my 'turn' to help him through this, and I'm happy to do so, but it's a case of 'You-can't-help-a-person-get-better-until-they-admit-they-are-ill' Do you understand what I mean? I also think you are right about his testosterone hormone levels. Thank you for the zinc tip by the way, but he doesn't take them anyway! I've thrown them out now. He once told me that before he met me he hadn't had sex for 2 years. I just thought that it was because he was single at the time and he's not the type to go out and get laid just for the sake of it.

I'm pretty certain he doesn't (and maybe didn't) self-stimulate either. When I suggested (at the time he told me that) that he seek medical advice, that perhaps he had a impotence, hormone imbalance, physicological anxiety performance problem or something, he shrugged it off, and said he was happy with the way he was. I suggested he take Viagra impotence treatment but, that did not interest him.

He is quite affectionate with me, but as soon as we go to bed, we stay on our sides... It's been like this for over a year now, and we seem to have reached an impasse. I can't force him to see a doctor, or a therapist. When I suggested a relationship counsellor, he thought it meant the end of our relationship... I don't really know what to do. Sometimes he says that maybe he's the wrong person for me. I keep telling him that I know he is the right person, that's why I married him. I do know though, that it's not 'right' for us to be like this with each other. I don't blame him or anything, but I want to get it sorted out before it does crack things up between us. I really appreciated your last advice. Do you have any more, now that you know a little more about the situation? I would be really grateful. Thank you. Ps little grey cat is my cat Charlie... totally unwilling baby cuddling substitute for us both!

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