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Male Resource References
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Posted by: swampy
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Hi anyone who's reading, I've been married for 23 years now and we have one child. About eight years ago my wife had an affair which didn't last all that long and it got resolved in the end. We both put it down to the old mid life crisis stuff and carried on. After that however she became increasingly indifferent sexually. I tried talking about it and asked if was me that she had a problem with, she said it wasn't but over the next two years things slowly tappered off more and more. I've continued to ask from time to time how she feels about it all and I don't really get much of an answer. She says she is not unhapppy, doesn't want anyone else but just doesn't have the interest anymore for making love. It has now been six years since we have actually made love. She says it is more than likely that it is menopause that is causing it. I guess I've pretty much given up on asking anymore as it seems to get her upset. Other than that we are actually really happy together, we always were good friends. The thing is that now I am starting to think about other women which is something I hadn't done up till now. I haven't been with another woman since we were married and just thinking about it makes me feel as guilty as hell, almost as if I actually had done so. I guess I just can't see any way out of this, I can't and won't force her by way of blackmail or anything like that. I guess I'm just tired of feeling like this. Six years is a long time to wait. I don't want to be unfaithful but I don't want the rest of my life to be like this either.
Follow Up Comments:
Your post is so very sad and concerning. I must commend you highly for your willingness to forgive and forget your wife's unfaithfullness.
"She says it is more than likely that it is menopause that is causing it." I seriously doubt that very much. Menopause will cause some hormonal changes, but I find it difficult to believe to the extreme that you describe.
Fist, I would highly recommend that she see her GYN and have her
testosterone level tested and checked. A low testosterone level will diminish libido (sex drive). If her testosterone is low, then her doctor can prescribe medication to increase the testosterone level. If her testosterone level is normal, then there are other factors that need to be looked into.
STRESS (mental, physical, emotional) is one big killer of libido, be it male or female. I would highly recomend that BOTH of you seek the advice and counsel of a marriage counselor. I REALLY DO. The counselor will not solve your problems, but will help to guide you to a solution. No one session is not adequate, it will take a number of sessions over a period of 2-3 months. By the way, a number of health policies do cover marriage counseling. If your wife will not go with you to a marraige counselor, then I suggest that you seek the advice and counsel of a counselor by yourself. You will need to determine what is best for you and the rest of your life.
I cannot imagine not having any lovin' for a few months, let alone six years. I can understand your feelings and temptation to be "unfaithful". Please, at this time don't. Wait until your wife has had her testosterone level checked, and you have gone through counseling. If in the end there is no change, then you will have to make a decision regarding your marriage. If you do decide on a divorce, then wait until it is final BEFORE you seek out another woman. Life can become VERY nasty when cheating is involved.
