Posted by RichT:
In Reply to: Re: help me please posted by RichT:
I have read your post several times. With his testosterone level being normal, and the fact that he has no difficulty getting an erect says all is okay in that department. From what you have said about yourself surely indicates he should be turned on by you. He says he is tired, but still has time for all his hobbies. That would seem to indicate that for some unknown reason his interests seem to be more with his hobbies than with lovin' you. WHY? That seems to be the question.
I wonder about his upbringing and whether sex was considered a taboo. I wonder about his masculinity. I wonder what is it that causes him to be so "disconnected" from lovin'.
Over and over again I come back to the same thought - that the two of you need desperately to seek the advice and counsel of a marriage counselor AND a sex therapist. They will not give you a "magic" answer. They can only take you through the process of guiding both you and your husband to a solution. It does not happen during one session, it will take a session a week for most likely two months for both you you, and especially your husband to sort things out. If your husband is reluctant to go, then I still recommend that you seek advice from both professionals. You need to sort things out for yourself on what is best for you.
Please let me know if you have any other information you would like to share, or any other questions. By the way, I do have a question - How was he in the lovin' department when you were dating? Was he a "tiger" of a male, or did you have to initiate foreplay and such back then?
Permit me to digress for a few minutes. We have been married for 39+ years now. Still when I turn over in bed and put my arm around her and hold her breasts it will take but a few seconds for my penis to start to become erect. If my wife tore off her shirt in front of me she wouldn't have time to grab my hand, my mouth would be on her breast immediately. (What a turn on that would be.) I am only telling you how I react and as I suspect most men would/do react to being close to their wife's wonderful body. My wife and I find that for us lovin' is best in the morning. At the end of the day our minds are still on so many other things, and we are tired and exhausted from our activities. In the morning we have had time to rest. The cares of the previous day are in the back of our minds. We feel refreshed from our rest and are ready for some most enjoyable lovin'.
May I also suggest that the two of you together plan a weekend away from everyone and everything (including his hobbies). It should be for TWO nights, not just one night. It should be a time for the two of you just to enjoy being together. For the first day and even the first night, just let him unwind and relax. Then on the second day take a few walks, do a few simple things together. Have an enjoyable dinner together. Then let the evening become more romantic. Try not to push him, rather let him take the lead (or at lest feel he is taking the lead). The thing is to build up his ego and feeling of being a man and husband. When to do this I'm not sure. Should it be before you see a counselor or after. In some respects I tend to feel it should be after at least a few sessions with a counselor.
I wish the both of you the best. Sorry about my disconnected response.
