Online Newsletter In this issue: Message board – Feeling cold, inadequate, down, and negleted
“Feeling Cold, Inadequate, Down and Negleted”
Posted by Missy:
After the testosterone levels have been checked fine and all the crying on my part feeling inadequate cold, negleted, insecure, down, inferior, anxious, depressed, you name it and he still has no desire to touch me. It is making me feel alone, physically bad as well as emotionally blue. I seek for my purpose with my husband if I can not turn him on sexually. I get offers all the time from men for sex so I can’t be repulsive, can I? He claims to not understand what I am talking about when I say there is a problem. Now I am getting desperate to get his attention. I cry myself to sleep while he just goes to sleep and snores, unaffected by my hurt and pain. Needing to get his attention, mixed with anger because he is unaffected by my hurt, I am now thinking “how can I get his attention”. Would he finally realize my pain, if he found me swinging from a rope. He tells me I am just mean when I blow up out of frustration. I get mad at myself for putting on a sexy night gown thinking that stupid me could turn him on. I think that I must be a stupid looking cow to him, even though I am not over weight. Is there anyone out there that knows what I feel like because right now I feel so alone in the world and completely mis understood.
Reply by RichT:
Your’s was such a very sad post. I cannot even imagine the mental, emotional and sexual frustration you are going through. Yes, I’m sure you do feel inadequate, cold, negleted and misunderstood.
Thank you for stating that he had his testosterone level checked and that it is okay. Now you know that at least is not the problem. Is your husband under a lot of STRESS be it mental or physical? Stress can be a huge killer of libido (desire for sex).
Missy, from what you have written in your post, I don’t believe you are the cause for why he is so unattentive to you.
If you would be so kind as to answer the question I have asked, then I’ll be able to better give you some additional thoughts.
Reply by S:
My boyfriend owned his own business and is going through a very tough bankruptcy through no fault of his own. We are having the same problem but he recognizes the reason why he has no desire….STRESS!!!! But regardless, I’m in my prime and sometimes feel inadequate, cold, negleted, the same way you do. Communication is very important. And also spirituality. Find the root cause and try to talk about it. He may not want to talk but calm communication may help. Try counciling, herbal products for him and you or Viagra for him may help as well. Hang in there
Reply by Bill:
If you truly love him, try to get him to a counselor. I had a very high drive when I was younger and after I married, it almost quit. I was working long, hard hours and under a lot of self-impossed stress to be a good provider. I wish that my ex had only talked with me and stood by me. Instead, she felt I was not attracted to her and nothing could’ve been further from the truth. I did not even know what was going on until 2 years later when I was diagnosed with performance anxiety disorder and chronic depression. Perhaps if we had seeked help earlier, we would still be together. Not saying that is why we divorced, but it was the beginning of many other problems. Be honest, understanding, supportive for someone who is feeling inadequate, cold and negleted, and let him know you love him. If you can get him to realize what is causing his low libido (which he may not even know it’s abnormal) that will be another confirmation of your commitement to the relationship. Sounds like he’s depressed and maybe a bit embarassed. Be gentle.